Graduating in a pandemic with an art degree - What happened next?
Despite graduating in the first lockdown of the pandemic, I wasn't too worried when I left university. I quickly found myself was working from my childhood bedroom in my parents' home for a covid-related service within the NHS and being paid 'well' for the first time in my life. I was having no trouble churning out my abundance of commissions during the Christmas period. However, living back with my parents was always intended to be temporary and after Christmas I was losing more creative momentum by the day, feeling slightly stagnant, every new day feeling the same as the day before. I made it my goal to move out and I soon moved in to a flat in central Bristol with my partner. I secretly hoped this would also end my art block and provide new creative stimulation.
But it didn't.
Why was I increasingly struggling to create? There would be days where I would cry at the thought of being in a room with a pencil, as if it was a dangerous weapon out to get me. The commissions were piling up, with a glint in their eyes like a pack of wild dogs ready to corner me and pounce. This extreme anxiety about creating was eating me alive. Creating art was the coping mechanism I had used for years to make sense of my thoughts and feelings, and using all my free creative energy to make artwork for other people had left me with no outlet to express myself. Experiencing real adult life for the first time, I was having serious thoughts and feelings about society and the world that didn't feel represented in the art I had made up to this point, and the idea of creating anything else was inconceivable to me.
This blog will serve as a space for me to express my views on topics that I feel really passionate about, and I will create editorial illustrations to represent these feelings, practice new techniques, and maybe even be a bit silly. I don't imagine myself encouraging everyone to read my nonsensical ramblings, and I don't plan to post regularly or maintain any sense of structure, but hopefully it will help enhance my illustration practice and give me portfolio pieces that represent my true illustrative voice. I will talk about issues affecting young people, feminism, capitalism, film reviews, possibly even poetry. Who knows? Some of the images may be unpolished, experimental, or unfinished,, and this is something I look forward to. Maybe the pictures won't even be related to the words. Oh well, my blog = my rules.